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Thursday, April 12th, 2007
11:22 pm - live journal?
Somehow, I got less retarded.  I also got married.  Sold my motorcycle.  But I still want one.  I'm going to move to Ireland (and that is not a motorcycle type dream).  It is happening in Mid-July.  I'm still amazed everytime I can remember my password for Livejournal after years of not posting.  Remember when Bow Wow was just Lil' Bow Wow?  Do you remember Bow Wow at all?

current mood: predatory

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Thursday, September 26th, 2002
3:33 pm
hold on..... a thought is coming.....

current mood: anxious

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Wednesday, April 17th, 2002
2:52 pm
Its been almost a year since I've written anything. I'm still thinking...

current mood: thoughtful

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Saturday, May 5th, 2001
5:47 pm
Please Lord, give me something to do tonight....

current mood: okay

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Thursday, May 3rd, 2001
8:10 pm
think i'll watch Sid and Nancy tonight. kind of a depressing day..... I'm such a moron sometimes.

current mood: pessimistic

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Tuesday, May 1st, 2001
2:37 pm
I am wondering if Megan and Alec are home. I am working today, like most days. I almost have a motorcycle if I can find a co-signer and if they don't do a credit check on me. I wrote a little poem about it:
5-7-3 LXVII
Let me have a loan
Silly credit history
Don't mind me

I have a bunch of these. 67 so far. Heres another:
5-7-3 LXII
It was a warm day
I didn't wear my jacket
Now I'm cold
I got something in the mail yesterday saying that I owed $249.00 to the hospital for prescribing Benadryl. Really. Also some anti-biotics but I'm not sure that I needed them. I think they only gave me a stomach ache. I'll find out today if my cousin will co-sign the lease. Wish me some luck.....

current mood: hopeful

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Sunday, April 29th, 2001
3:00 pm - kookookajoo
Been a strange week. Ups and downs. Almost finished with Gravity's Rainbow. Here's one for you, "It's cocaine!" the girls voice rising to an alarming intensity, " is what it is! It's heroin! You're dope fiends! and you've kidnapped me! Oh, my god! This is a, you don't realize, it's a Red Cross Clubmobile! It's the property of the Red Cross! Oh, you can't do this! I'm with the Red Cross! Oh, help me, somebody! They're dope fiends! Oh, please! Help! Stop and let me out! Take the truck if you want, take everything in it, but oh please don't....." a little while later, "Jeepers," says Shirley (the girl)"
That's a good part I've just ruined for you. Having another fire on the beach tonight, maybe some grilling of food. Food is good. My journal is so personal....

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Saturday, April 28th, 2001
4:45 pm - bat country
got real drunk last night. hungover. head is mushy. customers are being nasty to me. they are evil. i never want to be a customer when i grow up. can't really think, can i? i think i had enough alcohol for the week. proof of god is Tang, miracle meat and free sticky dollar bills. don't ask why just have faith. i feel like a teenaged girl writing in her diary. some more fucking fuck fuck

current mood: drunk

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Thursday, April 26th, 2001
7:22 pm - fuck
Tried to do some extra work and just remembered that the printer is out of paper. Sure there are other things that i could do not involving the printer but at this point in the day i would just like something mindless to do. i know i need the money but...... ugh. I just don't have it in me tonight. Forget it. I'll just fuck around on the live journal till my dad comes to get me. Thats another thing. Fucking no car. Fucking no motorcycle. Fucking fuck.

current mood: annoyed

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Wednesday, April 25th, 2001
7:34 pm
I honestly don't know what is going on in my life. I seem to be on a long string of fucking up and all i really want to write in this journal are quotes by Thomas Pynchon. I hate when people do things like that but this is the first writer that comes really close to how I think and how I view the world. I mean, not to say I completely understand it. I don't even know. I'm too old to still be here, stirring in my head and driving myself and the ones that I love crazy. If I do not get a motorcycle and get the fuck out of here and if it's not because of death then I want somebody to kill me. Eh, what the fuck? Here's a quote by Thomas Pynchon:
"...plastic saxophone reed sounds of unnatural timber, shampoo bottle ego-image, cracker jack prize one shot amusement, home appliance casing fairing for winds of cognition, baby bottles tranquilization, meat packages disguise of slaughter, dry-cleaning bags infant strangulation, garden hoses feeding endlessly the desert... but to bring them together, in their slick persistence and our preterition... to make sense out of, to find the meanest sharp silver of truth in so much replication, so much waste...

current mood: depressed

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Tuesday, April 24th, 2001
6:39 pm
"And all the world's busy, this twi-light!
Who knows what morning-streets, our shoes have known?
Who knows, how many friends, we've left, to cry alone?
We have a moment together,
We'll hum this tune for a day...
Ev'ryone's dancing, in twi-light,
Dancing the bad dream a-way...."
Thomas Pynchon

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Monday, April 23rd, 2001
12:26 am - Yes? What? OK! Real Sue Bee Honey
Head kind of feels vaguely like warm porridge. Never had porridge before but am pretty certain of it's consistency. I am denying that this has anything to do with the bar I went to last night. Or to the fact that I only received...um..
......four hours of sleep last night. I am blaming the condition of my head on bad fortune. Ever get the feeling that the whole day was trying to kill you? I can tell you this: When you get this feeling there is no place for you to hide from it. My thoughts are scattering. Perhaps even scurrying. Electric pulses in my brain running about like drugged chipmunks. Earth Day was today or rather 27 minutes ago. It didn't seem to be much different than any other day aside from the fact that it was after my very life. I have no evidence today was trying to kill me. I just felt threatened. That made me depressed. The worst part of today was when I got real tired at the end of the day at the bookstore. I wanted coffee. Both coffee shops were closed. BOTH OF THEM. I had to settle for an Arizona Ginseng Tea with Real Sue Bee Honey that "Tastes Great Hot" but had no means to heat it and am not sure if the label is telling me the truth as I've never had Arizona Ginseng Tea with Real Sue Bee Honey hot. Had to drink it cold. Didn't wake me up. Didn't make me happy. But tasted good enough. Sometimes I realize I say things like "But tasted good enough" and I get embarassed for the people who have to listen to me talk like that. Imagine if you died and came back as a Piping Plover....... I don't think you'd be happy. One of the people I worked with did something funny today. His name is Jeff. My manager Jane was talking about the new Britney Spears book that came in. But she couldn't find it. She asked all of us if we knew what happened to it. I didn't remember it coming in, the other girl working didn't know, and Jeff said that it should be in the children's section. Jane looked around for a few minutes until Jeff finally confessed that he tried to return it. I'm too tired to tell that story properly and is probably not that funny of a story unless you work where i work and know the people I'm talking about....
I'm a glass of Orange Juice. Don't tip me over!!

current mood: thirsty

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Wednesday, April 18th, 2001
1:52 am
Yeah, so this is something that I wrote in my notebook....

Recorded live written aloud been screaming in you ever since
been striking matches against otherwise known as flint
been reaching so deep down I forgot i had an arm
been forgetting you in my endless memory
oh so fucking insane
can you hear me?
because you're coming in so God damned clear
it makes my ears ache from the very thought of you
oh madness writing
are you living inside my pen
or breathing the same air as I do
will you become wet and run and disappear
will you forget me when you die
and become something i will not ever recognize
have you been shooting me down when you ask that i close my eyes
and yes I'm here not to make you feel uncomfortable
but to reach for you the only way I know how
and without lies and cover-ups
the walk home gives me the only kind of excercise
and solitude I can find these days
thats why I must alone on my motorcycle
where death is the passing pavement beneath me
and the sky above is the destination
but I will not suicide
I will live and survive without falling
except on my wits that I've yet to discover
and don't you see I want to find a way
to embrace life in this so depressed earth
that I find so hard to love that it hurts
when i look at you
and try to seperate the love from the lust
try to give you my heart without strings
that I would use against you
to force back that which i wish to possess
that which fills me with despair I want to release
and just fucking show you my love
without it making you feel bad
or like you Somehow Owe
I just want to be free

Thats about a lot of different people and it was all stream of consciousness and I broke the lines in random places and it's not very good, is it?

current mood: sleepy

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Wednesday, April 11th, 2001
11:54 pm - Kill The Wabbit
Kill the Wabbit. Today my friend almost killed a wabbit in his huge newspaper van. His name is Brian and he's a vegetarian. He would have been upset if he hit it. That's when we started singing "Kill the Wabbit" from that Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd cartoon that isn't on TV as much as it should be....
Neither one of us wants to kill the Wabbit but maybe somebody out there will........
If I pay them?
I'm going crazy which is really an odd feeling because when you realize you're going crazy it makes you feel like you're controlling it until somebody looks at you weird. Then you know you don't have it in control. Um? OK, if thats not understandable so much the better for me if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Hmmm.... maybe thats not such a good philosophy. Hmmmm hmmmm hmmmmm. I'm not really thinking or saying "hmmmm". Who says "hmmmmmmm"? Since when did "Hmmmmmm" become a word? How come you know what I mean when I say, "hmmmmmm". Its like a little more thoughtful than mumbling. Its a step above gibberish. And its supposed to imply deep thought. I don't think I've ever said "Hmmmmmm" aloud. Maybe I should stop thinking about that and get back to serious issues.
I crashed my parents car in a drunken bout with my own stupidity. I got caught for disorderly conduct on another date. I ran a stop sign and received a ticket for this too. These are expenses now. Which is very weird to think about it that way. I mean its not like i put my life in danger or broke the law or acted indecently in public but more like I'm buying a very expensive dishwasher (or other sort of big purchase) that I can't afford. On top of all this I'm completely loony. There is humor in this somewhere. I can feel it.

current mood: crazy

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Thursday, April 5th, 2001
3:16 am - some more hi
Today I had to go to court for something I'd rather not talk about. I also have to go to court on Friday for running a stop sign. This makes me look bad since this is only my second entry.... I'm not evil. All of this costs money. I also have to pay my parents $500 for crashing their car. I sound horrible I know. Altogether this makes up around $700. I'm trying to save up to buy a motorcycle for a cross country trip with no return date. I'm not paid very well but I like my job. Funds are lacking. And here is the real problem: I love lunch. I spend a ton of money every week on very good lunches. This will have to stop. I cry at night with thoughts of overpriced chicken wraps and heroes the size of infants dancing in my head. Why? Why on top of everything else did they make such good food so expensive? Lunch is my favorite. Please, will somebody buy me some lunch? I will trade all of my worldly possessions and approximately two digits off my left hand for a life time supply of lunch. This is all I ask of this cruel world.

current mood: hungry

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Wednesday, April 4th, 2001
10:21 pm - hi
hi everybody. I'm Frank. I'm not friends with computers and Corinne won't help me. I call her Cory in real life. She can't stop me. I smoke cigarettes. I'm going to buy a motorcycle. I want to be your friend. I'm not 12. I'm 22. How are you? I'm ok. I live in New York. Where do you live? I work at a bookstore. Um... well ok.

current mood: accomplished

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